The NAACP is looking into sponsoring NASA space flights. Apparently being strapped to a rocket hurtling into the vacuum of space is safer than our neighborhoods, homes and churches
Donald Trump
Donald Trump announced that he's running for President in a meandering speech that invited President Obama to play golf. By inviting a black man to a golf course, he's already showing he's more liberal than most of the GOP field.
Hollywood
Rachel Dolezal resigned from her NAACP post. She realized that if Emma Stone could play half Asian and that Christian Bale could play an Egyptian, she should be focusing on a movie career.
Ebony and Ivory
The parents of Rachel Dolezal, head of an NAACP chapter, revealed that their daughter is not black. When asked why they waited so long to share this information, they said they were tired of getting copies of Ebony in the mail.
Converse
The NYPD police commissioner said he can't find enough black police officers because too many black males have records. When asked to consider the converse of his statement, he said "What do sneakers have to do with this?"
Cruel and Unusual
The bikers from the Waco shooting are complaining about high bails and still being in jail with no formal charges. Their lawyers are reminding judges that while several shots were fired and 9 people died, that treating their clients like black men is cruel and unusual punishment.
Rap Battle
Iggy Azelea dropped out of playing at this weekend's Pittsburgh Pride Parade. She made the mistake of putting her homophobic comments on Twitter instead of hiding them in a freestyle.
Cause and Effect
A Texas cop drew his gun to get black teens to leave a pool but then scolded them for running from him. Which shows that the same state that uses abstinence only sex ed but has 5th highest teen pregnancy rate does not have a firm grasp on "cause and effect".
Mother Fudger
Got asked to do standup for kids. I said "Fine. But I get to use my new bit about why Fox News is so mad at the 'ninja in the White House'."
One Stop Shop
There are reports saying that Google should buy Radioshack. Makes sense since they're both the last minute stops for kids that procrastinate on their science fair projects.
Academy Agenda
Selma was snubbed at the Oscar nominations today. The Academy knew they also had to screw over The Lego Movie to be accused of bad taste instead of racism.
A New Syllabus
At the Golden Globes two famous white women dressed down a famous black man, giving college professors a semester worth of material on power dynamics.
Pahk the Scootah
Boston is the US choice to host people from all over the world for the Olympics. The decision was obviously made by someone that hasn't heard the way people from Southie already talk about immigrants.
The Formula
Days with the family are like shots. You feel fine after 2. 4 is pushing it. 5 or more leads to shouting, weeping and headaches
History In the Making
The evidence of the North Korea hack is so shaky they might as well start printing a "Mission Accomplished" banner
BiPartisanship
The left is pissed about the North Korea hacks because it limits artistic expression. The right's pissed because someone's telling two straight white men that they can't do whatever they want.
Ears Need to be Checked
The perfect example of my psyche: People at work found out I use to do music and say "Wow, you've tried a lot of things". What I hear is "Wow, you've failed at a lot of things".
A Very Special Episode
To protest the justice system treating black lives as a joke, demonstrators are sending in videos of police brutality to America's Funniest Home Videos.
The Talk
NYC Mayor Bill De Blasio admitted having "the talk" with his black son. It's gotten to the point where "the talk" for black people isn't on how to make kids, its on how to keep them alive.
The Greatest Joke
For the last couple of weeks I've been trying to come up with a good Bill Cosby joke. Then I realized nothing would be as good as the joke he's made of himself.